What if I'm not selling anything? What if I'm not trying to get you to look at me and admire my life? What if I'm not clever or funny? What if my kids are no longer cute? What if I have nothing to prove? Then I've got nothing. I have no material for social media.
I think that is why I write here. I've got thoughts. I have experiences. I have lived through a few things. Most of my life is lived internally. I always fancied myself to be a very outgoing extrovert. I think that could have been a false self, or maybe I just out grew her. What really goes on in my life you can't take a picture of and post it on Facebook or Instagram. Words are actually my photographs.
I have been in a long trial. You know the things that James writes about. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
I haven't had pure joy. I have a lot of self contemplation and struggle with what is going on on the inside. I'm telling you this because I know that you go through it too. How do I consider a trial, the very thing to bring about emotional and physical pain to be joyous? Really James, really Jesus? What kind of teaching is this? This flies in the face of the "Christian" teaching of wealth and health. When you really look at what God has to say about life you start to realize how different it is than popular messages that get taught and circulated in our world today..
I have come across this verse this summer, or at least one like it. I have had to really chew on it. I have had to apply it to the fact that even though God could heal Jake of the pain and disability he is in, He is still righteous and faithful in answering my prayers with a no. "The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does." Psalm 145:17
I have had to cling to this. This is what I have in the mist of no sports games, dances, or awards to show for Jake's life right now. God is faithful in all he does. Jake and I are both believers in Jesus and that makes us belong to God. Whatever He does in our lives is faithful. Even though on a surface level I feel that we are not living in the normal, and I have doctor visits that affirm that notion, we are living with a God who is faithful.
Jake wants to do work that will help people. He is learning first hand what a difference it makes to have a caring doctor. He is also learning the loneliness of being ill and not having any outside support. He wants to be a caring friend because he know how important it is.
I am learning what it is like to have to navigate the medical system. That is teaching me to persevere. Also, I have learned that unless another has suffered similar to you, they just don't get it and it isn't personal. They have no way of knowing what it is like to be in your shoes. And yet, when you find that one person who knows because they have been there it is like finding a fresh glass of water on a hot summer day. I hope to be that person to others.
So I've got nothing inspiring, funny, or light. No cute pictures of my kids going to dances, winning at football, or getting an award. I have to trust the unseen one, who is doing unseen work in my family and my heart.
Do any of you tire of seeing only success out in the cyber world? Do you long for more of what is real and for people to show all facets of their life? I'm a realist and just can't be untrue to myself. Anyone else out there like that too?
I'm first a follower of Jesus, a wife of 25 years, a mom to three boys, a baker/cook, a photographer, a friend, and a writer.